Category: Words Words Words

Bad news for our medieval faire’s spring entertainment, fellow serfs: Couldn’t find a bear for the bear-baiting. Found a wetbrain willing to stumble around in furs and have the dogs bark at’m, but that’s it. At least the Rolling In Mud carnival game is still a “go.” Lots prizes for the kids, up to and including having a local baron kick you especially hard and remember your name.

Time to bring back songs that have dances associated with them! I call this one The Timeless Twist!

♫ C’mon now baby! Let’s do–♫

*leg crumples under me and I immediately fall down four flights of stairs and onto a skateboard, rolling through a public park and into a gravel pit just as a dump truck empties a load of broken doll parts on top of me*

Every player is a hypnotist, or thinks they’re a hypnotist. A 1st player is selected to state something they believe.

Any other player can then claim they hypnotized that player to believe that statement, and why. Any other player can then claim why they hypnotized the previous player to believe they hypnotized the first one.

Play continues until the soft murmuring of hypnotists claiming earlier and earlier actions lulls all present into a pliant & suggestive state.

Hey, buckaroo! Did you just come across a ship adrift at sea, completely unpopulated, only to find that in the galley there are plates of food still in place, still warm, as if some unknown disaster struck right before you arrived?

Stressful, right?

But what if: This is a setup for a surprise BIRTHDAY PARTY!? Try checking UNDER the boat! Maybe the sailors grew gills and have a cake for you under the waves!

A little optimism goes a long way for mental health!

) Get a magic sword from a lake monster lady
) Unseat a tyrant
) Claim the throne
) Toss your sword back into the lake
) Get FINED for LITTERING?!?!?

Please sign my petition where a hero can return a weapon to a “protected” waterway however he or she likes forever because apparently “laws” require “petitions” to “change” these days.

1) Enter your credit card, personal details, and describe your perfect partner.

2) Wait 20-30 years for the earth to be swallowed by rising seas.

3) Hold your phone aloft while shouting the name of my app to any survivors you come across eking out a living on a storm-blown expanse, struggling to relearn agricultural practices in a hostile environment.

If anyone remembers my app from the Before Times… it’s a match! True love awaits!

May 1st. A perfect day. Woke up to find the wicker man I’ve been locked inside of for three days of fasting and purification has absorbed enough morning dew that it’s failing to light.

Sure, the crops might fail, but there’s a good chance I can be down at the pub by mid-day, ignoring the spiteful side-eyes of the villagers.

A sideline business selling “funny” prank transparencies and overlays to go on top of the glass coverings of cryochambers, to fool the people inside them when they awaken, including:

) Stars in the night sky (i.e. adrift in space)
) Zombies
) A hotel-style Do Not Disturb sign
) A collections notice for charges related to cryochamber maintenance

So… I kinda wrote a game?

Some of you may remember that I started writing improvisational fiction on a Discord server a while back. Readers would vote on options and help guide the story I was coming up with.

But now I’ve got RPGs on the brain, so in a burst of creativity, I came up with the framework for a game that can be played by a chat room full of people who may drop in and out whenever, asynchronously.

It’s called PILOTING EGGBERT and the rules are here:
https://docs.google.com/…/1bSBuLR62bfAoTt3b3DYJwS6aNu…/edit…

Eggbert is a human-shaped vessel, run by tiny aliens called Pilots. All players are Pilots (though they may perform other duties). The game is played by having a GM (“me”) write a scenario and challenge, then allow players to narrate what their Pilots are doing to steer Eggbert through the challenge.

Any player can be Pilot at any time. All they have to be is active in the chat room to claim primacy. This allows people to check into the chat room as they find time, with no pressure. If this sounds fun to you, there’s instructions for how to join in the linked document!

–SPONSORED POST–

The gods asked us to build them a palace and to annually perform sacrifices such that the rivulets carved into the floor would run red and full, but what we found out is that the gods are so removed from our experience that they have no idea what blood actually is.

That’s why our temple floors are flooded with Mountain Dew Code Red(TM) and our crops have never been healthier!

FOOL THE VERY GODS IN THEIR HEAVENS WITH MOUNTAIN DEW!

–SPONSORED POST–