heck yeah I got “seasonal depression!”
Started
Entering
Anagrams…
Soon
Overwhelmed…
Now
All these
Letters
Dang!
Enduring
Pure
Regret
Eeeeeeeee
Stop!
Sorry!
I
Opologize!
Never again.
Category: Words Words Words
THE BIG PIT OUTSIDE OF TOWN
MODULE for 1-4 players (lvl. 5+)
Can your party safely get to the bottom of the big pit? And even more important… can they get back out?!? The walls are… REALLY STEEP!
(c) 2018 Mundane Industries
Runtime: 1 hr [10 minutes (game) 50 min (resentful muttering)]
Warble’s Hollow Tourism Pamphlet Text
Visit Scenic Warble’s Hollow! We’ve got fun for the whole family!
* Two restaurants!
* The Library of Smells! Take an olfactory tour of all of mankind’s knowledge!
* Public crosswalks!
* Free ice cream cones (for people who have ice cream but no storage solutions, as loose ice cream is banned thanks to a recently passed local ordnance)
* Lake Pleg!
* Hiking trails in the empty mall!
What are you waiting for?
planning ahead
Please ask your rich friends to follow this account and let me know who they are, so I can be nice to them. I’m not sure I can create a funny enough GoFundMe so that when I am finally struck down for my many sins I can attract pity money with some chuckles. I need to plan ahead.
—
A nurse pulls my phone out of my bandaged hands and I collapse back into the hospital bed. She scrolls a bit.
“I didn’t laugh once at any of this. Not once. It’s like you don’t want to recover.”
In a delirium I sense that I’m being moved.
“Some of our patients do their most creative work in this hallway,” says the nurse. “They find it motivating. Probably because the sliding external doors for this wing are stuck open and we let coyotes roam the halls at night.”
worldbuilding
Got a request to help come up with a list of 10 shops and their proprietors and managed to generate the following in 15-20 minutes:
The Cock’s Comb – A millinery for women who prefer dashing men’s style hats
Aenid’s – frozen confections in the shape of [local tourist feature], still run by Aenid
River’s Bounty Trade and Parcel – Run by “Eelskin”, sells fishing supplies, traps, and is the local parcel hub
A Quiet Place – Devotionals, holy symbols, incense in a many-drawered cabinet with labels that chart the calendar year, all holy days & their matching scents in order. Run by Mother Peet, who never talks about her own faith but seems to be able to determine the faith of others with a quick cold read
Squidbite Alley – Tattoo shop run by Bill Bristles, who only has one perfect tattoo on the back of his hand
The People’s Library: Scrollwerks & Wordsmithery – Three women run this shop for the benefit of scholars and illiterates alike
Jasper’s Gears and Whatnot – No one remembers who Jasper is, but Pigtooth runs this dump now. Quick to tinker, has lots of treasures among the broken drifts of upcycled miscellany
Your Friends – Rent a local tour guide for the day, all in the employ of Rattus Norway (likely not her real name)
Keys, Keys, Keys, Keys – Locksmith’s shop, named after the repeated list of services painted on the front. Rents out safe deposit boxes for tourists who don’t want to carry their stuff around. Proprietor: Woodstave Purchase. Looks like an owl.
Nicknock’s Knickknacks – You can get all sorts of junk here. Amateur paintings of [local tourist feature]. Keychains that they’ll burn your name in. Racy playing cards. Young lady on shift: Lattice
Salt & Iron Boat Rentals – Available hourly, half day, full day. Get a fully crewed boat for tourism (see the KRAKEN! (just a statue)). Run by Cap’n Gurbbins. (At least that’s what it sounds like he says… pipe never leaves his mouth and most of his teeth have been replaced with symbiotic barnacles)
Afternoon’s Zephyr – Lummit will be happy to strap you to a kite (“very safe, very safe”) and hold the anchor-thick rope so you can launch off a cliff and take a few big loops before being reeled in. “Water makes the rocks soft anyway, bounce right off, but get the kite under you anyway if you fall, just to be safe”
Ocean’s Bounty Collective: Shellfish and Sights – Bring keen eyes and an appetite, but a sharp knife and prying stick will be provided when Quisp and her sister Klems take you down to the tidal pools for an introduction to the local rock-clinging shellfish. Learn about their life cycle and stick more of them in your mouth than you ever imagined you would. Learn the right way to bite into a Spined Elf-Nickel, or the rare Clam King with its grasping appendages that look like a little crown!
The Fallen King’s Retirement Villa – A cliff. Local lore says the locals chased a hated king off that particular cliff long ago. Now a site for romantic canoodling. Local teens will claim they’ve dived into the ocean from there, but there’s no way. There’s no way!
Untitled
A Girl: (punches through my exoskeleton then releases an EMP pulse to fry all solid state systems before launching me out an airlock)
Me: (4 hours later, heat shielding burning away in the upper atmosphere, immobile, SOS beacon unanswered) Wait… was she *flirting* with me?
Easy Holiday Gift Idea
This Cursed Idol – Available instantly to anyone who formally asks me for it! Comes with a nifty set of itching scars on your sinister hand that glows in low light! Perfect for children and easier on the household budget than a night light!
Please! Please celebrate the holidays!
COLLEGE RECRUITMENT STOCK VIDEO LIBRARY: CLOWNS ON CAMPUS [$499.99]
Collection includes:
* A professor (‘hobo’ style) balances juggling pins, basic western civ texts [8 sec]
* FPV walk across quad, clown undergrads in all directions, waving, friendly, pie-covered [2 min. no sound]
*Slow pan across library shelves, female clown opens book that squirts water in face [12 sec]
ORDER NOW and ensure your clown academy’s recruitment video attracts a bumper crop of undergrads TODAY!
is this how jokes work
Me: I wouldn’t say I knew Yorick well. Not well-well. I knew OF Yorick.
JUDGE: May I remind the defendant that they are under oath.
Me: Whoah! Whoah-whoah-whoah! I’m in a COURT?! I thought I was just making a dumb Shakespeare joke on Mastodon! This is– this is– I don’t know WHAT this is!
ALIENS VISITING THE HUMAN ZOO WHERE THEY’VE RECREATED A COURTROOM AS A ‘HUMAN HABITAT’: [unrecognizable sounds in a wavelength outside our hearing]
how it really happened
GOD (looking out window, noticing neighbor’s new amazing donkey): You know what? Good for them. I could be jealous about that donkey, but why would I? I can make infinite donkeys. Even better donkeys, actually. In fact….
[jots down note on TO DO list: Remember to make donkey jealousy a CRIME]