Therzas

When I visited Europe, I made the mistake of thinking the woods at night were a relaxing place to gather my thoughts. It was the mist-shrouded gloom of those woods that allowed a therza (as the locals call them) to sneak up and bite me on the leg.

Had I been more vigilant about vaccinations, at worst I would have had to have worn a bandage for awhile, but eventually I would heal up and forget about it.

But that was not the case. Because of my lack of planning, since that time, when the moon is full, I find myself transforming into a therza myself. I try to plan around it, to make sure I’m indoors and secured when it happens. I take a name-brand anti-therza medication. And, in case the worst happens, I have my legal documents on hand to guide my living relations.

You can picture me, in fact. Seated in a chair, grimacing. The moon peeking out from clouds. The only two things I need to get me through gripped in my sweating hands:

Were-therza will. Therza-Away™.

Criminal Associate

CRIMINAL ASSOCIATE: ARE YOU WEARING A FRICKIN’ WIRE?

ME: I prefer to think of it as “very targeted, unobtrusive podcasting.”

—

CRIMINAL ASSOCIATE: Are you live-tweeting us murdering you, you snitch?

ME: No. [drops phone in wet concrete around feet]

—

TRIVIA (continuity error): Character “ME” drops phone but without phone, tweet wouldn’t exist. [ Like | Report ]

Untitled

One of my earliest Bandcamp purchases and still one of my favorites, as proved by the fact that every time I remember to look and they STILL haven’t released any new music, I want to find a mailing address to pre-pay for their next effort.

Their sound: Smart, punky, fun.

Favorite song from this album (which made it into The Signal: EP090!): Birthday

Sample lyrics: “I lit a candle and got wax on my hand but the novelty factor made it worth it for me / Then I drank my coffee and listened to records and when I say records, I mean mp3s”

You could have the album for the cost of “whatever you want” from free to “your children will never know warmth.”

Dolph

A SKETCH

Swedish action hero Dolph Lundgren walks into the human-sized entrance on the side of a large machine. There’s a rumbling sound, then a dolphin flops out the egress on the opposite side of the machine.

Camera zooms in on a label on the side of the machine that reads: De-Lundgr-Izer

Wandering the Aisles

In little-traveled corners of Bandcamp, you can find musicians carving out a musical niche that is dedicated to creating weird soundscapes under the banner “mallsoft” or “vaporwave”. The aesthetic choices of these artists seem to explore the alienation of shopping— and capitalism, by extension— of large and empty mall spaces, of terrible music forced on you as part of the cost of traversing those spaces and a love of carving cracks into that facade with glitched imagery, echo effects, stuttering and distant.

This album from 식료품groceries was my introduction, starting as it does with a synth cover of a Cyndi Lauper song, then in track 2 (지하철Morning Commute), you hear the rumbling of a train and a soft jazz saxophone that somehow keeps pace with the train’s motion. There’s distant cymbal crashing from some other music source that has nothing to do with the saxophone, and automated voices reading announcements that just flicker at the edge of awareness.

Before you know it: You’re at the mall. Track 3. You Are Here.

Enjoy exploring the aisles.

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