They say dress for the job you want, which is why I’m dressed like a warrior from the distant past, awakened from my eternal slumber, determined to seek revenge (inbetween comical interludes where I interact clumsily with the modern era, astounded by how things have changed from back in my day).
for the record
Was I a “cool kid” in high school? Heh. You tell me…
[in this scenario, the addressed “you” are a multi-limbed creature, your head a nimbus of flame, your back an eruption of wings, in every hand a sword and your gaze a distillation of the concept of justice]
Signs Your Adventuring Party Is Tackling a Past-Its-Prime Dungeon
1) There’s vendor booths outside that’ll sell you supplies, or “I Conquered the Dungeon and All I Got Was This Leather Jerkin”-type items
2) Skeletons in the first room don’t even look up when you walk in
3) Glossy trifold brochures with complete maps littered everywhere
4) No one reset traps after last use (spike pits open, etc.)
5) You have to take a number and wait in line to face the “villain” at its center
Official U.S. High School Social Hierarchy Reference for Fiction
TOP – The Golden Teeth Children – wealthy, have replaced much of their body with gold (internally)
2nd – Puppet Club Members
3rd – Sports Moppets
4th – The A/V Consortium and their Unseen Tapes
5th – The one kid with the leather jacket
6th – The one kid with the denim jacket
7th – Class Clowns
8th – Economists
9th – Smaller children passing as older children (trench coats, stacking, fake mustache)
10th – List Compilers
You didn’t get into one of the good wizard schools (Roll 1d6)
1) A rat wearing a band-aid cordially invites you to Larry’s Spell Hut Down By the Highway
2) An email invites you to Lovely Brides Magic Delivery Upon Deposit
3) Welcome to the Magic Wand Warehouse, we prosecute shoplifters
4) An acceptance letter to Codfrey’s College (Illuminated) won’t let go of your hand
5) Univ. of Arkon Plumbottom says: You’re in!
6) Your check bounced but with Discount Wizardz, you can pay us with eggs
Fun & Prizes
Bad news for our medieval faire’s spring entertainment, fellow serfs: Couldn’t find a bear for the bear-baiting. Found a wetbrain willing to stumble around in furs and have the dogs bark at’m, but that’s it. At least the Rolling In Mud carnival game is still a “go.” Lots prizes for the kids, up to and including having a local baron kick you especially hard and remember your name.
The Signal: EP156
The Signal: EP156 – Exactly 45 minutes of dad-melting music, compatible with all major headphones (and a few minor headphones). We’ve got a treat for you! After the longest break between Signal mixes for years, we’re back with menacing Portuguese rumbling from Brazil, disco from Germany, bass heavy monsters, dancehall magic from the UK, cumbia from Oakland and more!
Download by clicking on the link (or image) above. The file is available only for a limited time. If you’re interested in the tracklist, it’s in the mp3 itself, in the id3 tags. Or, if you sign up to be a member of our mailing list, The Tuned In, you’ll be among the first on the planet to know when a new mix is posted, and you’ll get a permanent archive link and the entire playlist, delivered to your inbox.
Spotify user? Here’s (most of) the EP156 playlist.
The Timeless Twist
Time to bring back songs that have dances associated with them! I call this one The Timeless Twist!
♫ C’mon now baby! Let’s do–♫
*leg crumples under me and I immediately fall down four flights of stairs and onto a skateboard, rolling through a public park and into a gravel pit just as a dump truck empties a load of broken doll parts on top of me*
HYPNOTIST PARTY: A GAME
Every player is a hypnotist, or thinks they’re a hypnotist. A 1st player is selected to state something they believe.
Any other player can then claim they hypnotized that player to believe that statement, and why. Any other player can then claim why they hypnotized the previous player to believe they hypnotized the first one.
Play continues until the soft murmuring of hypnotists claiming earlier and earlier actions lulls all present into a pliant & suggestive state.
MENTAL HEALTH TIP
Hey, buckaroo! Did you just come across a ship adrift at sea, completely unpopulated, only to find that in the galley there are plates of food still in place, still warm, as if some unknown disaster struck right before you arrived?
Stressful, right?
But what if: This is a setup for a surprise BIRTHDAY PARTY!? Try checking UNDER the boat! Maybe the sailors grew gills and have a cake for you under the waves!
A little optimism goes a long way for mental health!