) Get a magic sword from a lake monster lady
) Unseat a tyrant
) Claim the throne
) Toss your sword back into the lake
) Get FINED for LITTERING?!?!?
Please sign my petition where a hero can return a weapon to a “protected” waterway however he or she likes forever because apparently “laws” require “petitions” to “change” these days.
1) Enter your credit card, personal details, and describe your perfect partner.
2) Wait 20-30 years for the earth to be swallowed by rising seas.
3) Hold your phone aloft while shouting the name of my app to any survivors you come across eking out a living on a storm-blown expanse, struggling to relearn agricultural practices in a hostile environment.
If anyone remembers my app from the Before Times… it’s a match! True love awaits!
May 1st. A perfect day. Woke up to find the wicker man I’ve been locked inside of for three days of fasting and purification has absorbed enough morning dew that it’s failing to light.
Sure, the crops might fail, but there’s a good chance I can be down at the pub by mid-day, ignoring the spiteful side-eyes of the villagers.
A sideline business selling “funny” prank transparencies and overlays to go on top of the glass coverings of cryochambers, to fool the people inside them when they awaken, including:
) Stars in the night sky (i.e. adrift in space)
) Zombies
) A hotel-style Do Not Disturb sign
) A collections notice for charges related to cryochamber maintenance
So… I kinda wrote a game?
Some of you may remember that I started writing improvisational fiction on a Discord server a while back. Readers would vote on options and help guide the story I was coming up with.
But now I’ve got RPGs on the brain, so in a burst of creativity, I came up with the framework for a game that can be played by a chat room full of people who may drop in and out whenever, asynchronously.
It’s called PILOTING EGGBERT and the rules are here:
https://docs.google.com/…/1bSBuLR62bfAoTt3b3DYJwS6aNu…/edit…
Eggbert is a human-shaped vessel, run by tiny aliens called Pilots. All players are Pilots (though they may perform other duties). The game is played by having a GM (“me”) write a scenario and challenge, then allow players to narrate what their Pilots are doing to steer Eggbert through the challenge.
Any player can be Pilot at any time. All they have to be is active in the chat room to claim primacy. This allows people to check into the chat room as they find time, with no pressure. If this sounds fun to you, there’s instructions for how to join in the linked document!
–SPONSORED POST–
The gods asked us to build them a palace and to annually perform sacrifices such that the rivulets carved into the floor would run red and full, but what we found out is that the gods are so removed from our experience that they have no idea what blood actually is.
That’s why our temple floors are flooded with Mountain Dew Code Red(TM) and our crops have never been healthier!
FOOL THE VERY GODS IN THEIR HEAVENS WITH MOUNTAIN DEW!
–SPONSORED POST–
lost time incident 83
It’s Easter Sunday here in these United States and the sun is shining, which means it must be time to sit behind blackout curtains and think about scary stuff that might populate a mansion. I hope it’s time to do that, because that’s what I’ve been doing.
Hi, folks.
Since the last time I sent out an edition of this newsletter, I released WITCHES TOWN, an ebook the collects the best of over a year’s worth of microfiction offerings, both funny and creepy, including bits that appeared here for you, loyal subscribers.
So if you’ve been thinking: I really like the LOST TIME INCIDENT newsletter but it would be a lot better if the fiction bits were collected all in one place… well, you’re in luck.
You can pay what you like for WITCHES TOWN over at Gumroad. (“What you like” can also be “download it for free”. I’m just happy it’s being read. The tip jar is optional, but it does help reimburse me for the amazing art that’s included in the book.)
I’ll also offer this: As a subscriber to this newsletter, if you pay $5 or more for the book, drop me an email and I’ll send you a “signed” copy. (Basically, I’ll edit one or all of the book formats with an inscription personalized to you.) For $10 or more, I’ll write an original piece that specifically includes you and insert that into your personal copy, plus the inscription.
For $6.66 I’ll give you a version of the book that will send you straight to the Devil. Please don’t do this. I shouldn’t have this sort of power but every day, the voices… the voices, they beg me to destroy someone’s soul. I don’t want to do it.
Ha ha! Just a funny joke!
Those voices mostly tell me about times I embarrassed myself in the past and about how the future is bearing down on us at all times.
Okay! Who wants to see some microfiction?
genre fiction
As the torch drips in the dark passageway, the archaeologist of the group pores over the ancient glyphs.
“As I thought. This squiggly bit here looks like a doggy.”
As the wizard watched his entire occult library go up in flames– a hazard for those who stick candles in skulls and expect them to never fall over– he could be heard muttering to himself “Oh, I do hope it turns out the magic was inside me all along.”
The space rogue sneered over the space poker table. “Ha! The only thing in this world that I trust is my laser pistol.”
“You need to work on those trust issues,” piped up the laser pistol from under the table.
“I know,” said the space rogue.
“You can’t just rely on me. It’s not healthy and you end up moody and withdrawn.”
And just like that, the pre-gunfight lacuna got awkward.
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back in my day we didn’t have social media
you wanted a stranger to give you some positive feedback you had to walk along the train tracks gathering sodee bottles and distribute ’em to the rail-bums who knew how to get cash for ’em and they’d give you half a dirty playing card you’d hide in a tree house and while you was up there thinking about life, some soldier back from the war would see you out their window from the room they scream in and they’d give you a thumbs up
just like that
ending theme song
Two weekends back, my wife Amanda and I went to a small indie role-playing game convention in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was called, appropriately enough, New Mexicon. We figured: Where better to face our social anxiety about meeting strangers than by flying to another state and then attempting to learn unfamiliar game systems & participate in creative endeavours with them? If it doesn’t work out, we can just never go back to New Mexico.
As it turns out, the people at New Mexicon were friendly and lots of fun to play with. I received such immediate and enthusiastic support from fellow attendees that I actually volunteered to facilitate a game session in the very first available session, day 1. I lead a group of strangers in creating a living language for an isolate community of homesteaders on Mars. How about that?
Anyway, that recent experience is part of why my Sunday morning was spent thinking about mansions and monsters. I’ll be running a small game/experiment RPG-shaped thing online, using voice-over-internet. I’ll be trying my hand at running a horror-themed game with some friends & relations, and I’m writing up an original scenario rather than using something pre-written.
I turned 43 this month.
So far, so good.
Still here. Thanks for being here with me.
—Michael Van Vleet
Hey! Did you enjoy reading this? But did you find yourself thinking “Dang, if only this sort of thing were delivered directly into my inbox so I didn’t have to spend time on a website as if it were still the 90s or something!”?
You’re in luck! You can subscribe to the LOST TIME INCIDENT newsletter and finally class up your inbox.
1) The Feathered
2) The Bone Clock Contingent
3) Scarf Boys
4) Clothes As Doors
5) Elliot, With A Hat
6) The Off Racks
7) Jumblety Pegs
8) The Don’t Looks
9) A Shoe
10) Me (And Maybe You, and A Hand Mirror?)
At New Mexicon, a role-playing game convention, I had the pleasure of playing The Unofficial Highlander 2 Role-Playing Game and I took some time to write down as much as I could from my notes about how the game went. If you’d like to read about a writer’s room writing a sequel to Highlander 2 on the fly, well… you’re in luck.
1) Poison Girls
2) The Eighteen and One
3) Manny’s Chicken Hut Buck-AWK
4) We Are Not A Gang We Are Nothing At All
5) Reds
6) Bone Rollers
7) Elliot, With A Bat
8) A Dropped Quarter
9) The Aerated Fronds
10) Us, You and Me, If You Say Yes And Join My Gang, I’m On My Knees, Just Us