When evoked, I’ve been known to:
[ ] Erupt as a cloud of biting locusts
[ ] Pinch a wound shut for a while
[ ] Sour wine and milk
[ ] Fill out quizzes
[ ] Weaken the limbs of children
RESULTS:
YOU ARE: Not an ancient rune at all.
Runes are inanimate things. Merely concepts. You… you are thing of wonder. Look at you, moving through time, dancing atoms. You’re beyond quizzes.
The Signal: EP149 – Exactly 45 minutes of tunes custom designed for structural support when tape-stacking. In this installment, we’ve got lots of treats for you, from Spanish-language dub to shoegaze fuzz to beats to old school rhythm & blues… and more!
Download by clicking on the link (or image) above. The file is available only for a limited time. If you’re interested in the tracklist, it’s in the mp3 itself, in the id3 tags. Or, if you sign up to be a member of our mailing list, The Tuned In, you’ll be among the first on the planet to know when a new mix is posted, and you’ll get a permanent archive link and the entire playlist, delivered to your inbox.
Spotify user? I found most of the tracks from this mix: The Signal: EP149 @ Spotify
PR AGENT (slaps in VHS): Here’s what we’ve got!
[video: Handsome couple smiles, gives thumbs up.Graphic: MUMMIES! They’re Just Like Us!*
announcer VFX (very rapid): “except they have fewer organs, smell like old rags, are highly flammable, are animated by dark forces, and have no appreciation for relic preservation.”]
PR AGENT: What do you think?
(Mummies look at each other across office table, then the air is suddenly thick with flying, flesh-rending beetles.)
YOU SEE: a swamp hag, matted hair to her toes, protective and venomous herbs woven into it, chittering under your front porch
I SEE: a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it, and 100% comfortable with her appearance
LIKE this post to ESCAPE THE HAG CURSE, BOOST this post to AAAH SHE’S GOT ME!
1) A brass mask – Seems to generate nightmares for those who’ve held it
2) A statuette of a bull-headed figure – Nightmare-inducing
3) A leather bag of unknown origin, filled with coins – More nightmares
4) A mummy that appears to whisper whenever a breeze enters this storage facility – Lots of scientific potential!
5) A shadowy movement in the corner of my eyes – Probably nothing. Just kidding: so many nightmares
Tired of these at-home catapult kits. Not a single one of them can vault me past the heavens and into the sun where I belong. Every launch, another disappointment, another set of cracked limbs endured while suspended in a neighbor’s tree.
[relatable memes stolen from monstrous social media circles]:
WHEN YOU WAKE UP COVERED IN BLOOD
[you, a GOD-fearing wretch] : oh no what have I done? will the curse ever set me free so I no longer warp into a bestial nightmare under the full moon? help me LORD
[me, a wise creature beyond GOD’s sight] : another fine sleep in my blood pool , the best investment i’ve ever made for my health
) Most times drowned by undersea creatures preparatory to being dragged to their kingdom and installed as a puppet ruler
) Most time lost while in fae lands while a double of you ruins your life here
) Most grafted unnecessary organs (human/animal) for performance in a day
) Most romantic dates taken with a compiler of world records
Our ancestors were like us in many ways, save for one: Many of them did not know you could lead a horse to water. They had to come up with a saying.
So many dried up horses back then, rustling like dead leaves when they galloped.