It’s Spring and we all know what that means! Time to roll your winter’s cauldron out into the square for a seasonal scrub down!

TIPS
) Any bones or jewelry that fell to the bottom can be put in the compost heap, to help the crops and make the dirt shiny

) Can’t reach the bottom? Ask Tentacle Tuck to help! Ever since the summoning that replaced Tuck’s limbs, they’ve been eager to find work, so long as you’re willing to pay ’em with some spoon-feeding. Tuck has a heck of a time eating.

) Soap!

Our first competitor, James from Candlewick, is a scholar. So James… What’s in the pool?

“I’m so excited to be here! Let’s see… The water is so murky, but I think I see… I see something looking back at me… no, looking INTO me. It’s immense! It’s … how is it larger than the pool itself? I can hear… singing?”

We’re going to need an answer, James. The timer’s going. The doors are locked. The game is all, James. The pool. What.

1) Think: Had you been dabbling with dark forces? Check your hands (if they’re still hands). Are you holding a grimoire? Any sort of forbidden text? It may have clues.

2) Don’t panic.

3) Try walking. Some blasted planes are quite walkable. Some have public transport. Look for bus stations.

4) you can’t w͔̿̀ͯͦ̒ͫa̺̪̖͚͐̇͑̀̓ͨl̻͂̓̎ͫ͛̿ͧk̬̙̬͔ͨ̂̓̏̿̅ ̮̼̺̬̲̮̋͂̍̉͐͊o͔̻͇͆ͯ̓u̫̾̍ͣ͗̅t̘̲͈̠͒ ̜̯̳̹̖ͦ̄͒̋ǒ̥͎̻̳̆f͙̮̳͕̿͌ͅͅ ̟̜̠̩̫ͧ͆t͕̦̣͆h̰̻̦̠̿͋ͪi̅ͩͪ̍̉s͓ ̤̪̺̘̦̝̫̃ͪ̃̐́m̰̹̻̫e̗̘̖͕͈̦͖ͧ͛s̙͙͙̹̠͔̭s̯̳ͫ̽̿

5) w̞̖̝̠̩̬e҉̘͈̤̘̙͖ ̗a͉̥re̳̤̜͇̰ͅ ͚̱a̧̠͖w̭̯͎a̪̘̹͇̙͉k̢͚̥̪͖͕̜͔e ̼͖̬a̵̲̖͙͔̰n̪̺͎͢d̠̱̭̙̰͕͠ w̨a̬͔͕͞t̞̘c͍̼̬͙͎h͍͟i͍n͓̩̭̟̘g̹̱̗͚͎

Our unblinking eyes will seek you out and neither rock nor wood nor flesh will hide you, sweet quarry, from our sights! It’s Friday! Awake the hounds! We’re following!

This is the Friday to seek the following:

The Lipless Saint – Says her name is “Hrr-hrrah” but Aleph the Scroll-Collector says they’ve got a scroll somewhere that names the Saint as “Barbara.” Seek the Saint near the Sunken Garden, past the Itch hedge. Don’t stare. Be patient.

Sugar Lions – A breezy 3 days walk East and you can seek the sweet, teeth-shattering wonder of the hard sugar lions. They hunt in packs, so paint eyes on your back for safety.

Gary – He’s right there.

#ff

Every day, drink some water. Doesn’t matter from where. Refrigerator? Great! Wide ocean full of sorrows! Fine! Condensation on the side of a slack-skinned beast that you cling to as it threshes leaves from the highest trees in the forest’s canopy? A-OK!

Vitamin B: What is it? What does it do? Nobody knows. Eat… three of them.

Exercise: Find a partner and chase them. When they’re tired out, your workout is over! Give ’em a shove! Maybe next time they’ll run harder!

A gender reveal ceremony on the shore of a dark lake. A hooded figure reveals a sphere of smoke and with great ceremony, gestures broadly as the smoke dissipates.

All attendees nod, knowing no more now than they did before arriving. The child will come. The child will be. Eventually the child will dissipate.

Cake is served.

) Modify a peer’s grimoire so a complicated ritual now includes a step wherein the caster must convert their bones into a jelly. Good luck with the rest of the steps, you puddle-shaped fool!

) Remove the date Apr. 1 from this timestream, banishing it to a cold planet orbiting a dim star, a freezing planet of eternal japes and no living things. Renders all calendars useless as everyone awakes from their Mar. 31 slumber on Apr. 2.

) Put a plastic spider near somebody. Some people don’t like them. Funny!