The Transactional Cleric: Worships whichever entity gives the best return on investment. Heal spell doesn’t work as intended? Time to move on to the next entity.
“He got himself kicked out of the temple.”
“Another one?”
“Yeah. He was being too loud, again.”
[20 min. earlier]
“This is a city FULL of entities that demand worship. You think I can’t go down the street and get this mace blessed? You think I can’t find a floating being who’s gonna want me to be able to explode TWICE the undead you’re offering? You’re fooling yourself. They ALL want a piece of me. I’ve run three cults, buddy. THREE CULTS. Those are SEPARATE cults, mind you… no rebranding with a new god and a new logo on the door, oh no. I get RESULTS. I get WORSHIPPERS. I DELIVER. And in exchange, I DEMAND SOME SERVICE!”
The Thief Who Destroys Wealth: Every gem taken: shattered. Every gold coin? Chucked in a lake. Catchphrase: “Money, like… isn’t even real!”
“What the heck happened to the coins? They’re all… chipped!”
“You-know-who got to them while we were sleeping last night, apparently. Said if we really needed something, we should just ask nicely and that people should give it to us, because we’re all people. They said something about ‘brotherhood’, I dunno. Looks like we’ve got to sell these for scrap ’cause no one’s going to take them in this shape.”
The Fighting Fitness Enthusiast: Gives frequent positive feedback to opponents in combat. Warns them about balance issues, over-exerting, importance of hydration.
[after getting punched in the nose]
“Nice! Nice one! You kept the fingers tight and the thumb safely tucked away. Next time, though, don’t forget to plant the lead foot, okay? Pivot and throw from the hip. Watch how I do it.”
[successfully lands a punch]
“You see that? Okay, I’m going to do it again, watch watch watch.”
[punches with the other hand instead]
“Okay! We’re doing good! How are you doing? Feeling loose? What did we learn? Don’t trust the person we’re fighting to be honest about what they’re going to do. Right? You got it! You got it! Okay, we’re really warmed up now. Let’s keep it going, keep that energy going.”
The Laziest Wizard: Only got into magic as a way to avoid actually working on anything. Only learns new spells that are easier/work faster/do more for less. Loves scrolls, potions… anything where someone else put the work in.
“Cast that spell? Really? Ugh… I can’t. I’m so busy all the time. Plus, the spell components are all the way over there.”
[indicates a bench five paces away].
The Unbeliever Cleric: Despises superstition. Only trusts alchemy and lore. Hates it when their spells work.
“There must be a more rational explanation for why that happened. Likely this holy symbol contains some sort of element that they’re allergic to. Remind me to repeat the experiment the next time we come across more of the same.”
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